Musings from the padded room

onsdag 1 januari 2014

A rollercoaster year coming to an end

I\ve noticed several of my friends doing this so I thought I'd also do a small summary of a year made up of incredible highs as well as heartbreaking lows.

2013 has been a stable year, work-wise. I love my job and even though I know it's going to end someday (it's just a filling in for someone else, after all) it's been fulfilling and has helped me a long way on the road to figuring out how I want the rest of my working life to be. Of course, after all those years living from day to day while studying, it's also been really nice to have a steady income.

Relationship-wise, as pertaining to human relationships, nothing much has changed. I'm still one of those lucky people who are blessedly surrounded by awesome friends and family, both in real life and  online. I don't think I could ever express the gratefulness I feel towars those people who are there to cheer me on in good times and support me during the times I suffer. I sometimes wonder if I manage to properly convey what they mean to me, but I hope they know even though I'm not the best at expressing myself.

The importance of their existence has been made especially clear to me during the low points of this year. Without all the wonderful people around me I have no idea how I would've gotten through the losses I've suffered. I probably would've gone mad with grief.

My beloved dog has also been a great source of strength ( as well as the lovely, but oh so haughty, cats). During this year my darling Dalmatian has really grown. She and I have had a lot of fun in the rings at various dog shows, something we plan on enjoying during this upcoming year as well. On top of that we have started to work seriously on learning how to track, and hopefully one day we might even get to a point where we can be of help finding lost people. I'm thinking that if I was lost and scared in the woods or on the mountain I'd surely cheer up if I suddenly saw an overjoyed, spotted bundle of joy coming arund the corner or over the crest with this expression like: "Oh, there you are! You have no idea how much I've been waiting to get to know you and how happy I am to see you!!"

Now, there are so many good things that has happened to me this year I simply can't come up with a good way to mention all of them.

However, despite all the good things I'm afraid what 2013 most will mean to me is as the year when I lost two of my most beloved babies.

My beloved cat, Frida, came to me from a rescue home in 2007. She was an itty bitty little thing who at first had no idea how to behave gently with humans. No wonder since humans hadn't exactly treated her well before she was rescued. Believed to have been taken too early from her mother she didn't quite seem to know how to clean herself up at first. Good thing my old lady, Vinnie, was around to show her the ropes of personal grooming. And then abandoned in a closed down area of summer houses to fend through the winter on her own, which she, thankfully did. no wonder she was a bit defensive at first. However, it didn't take her long to find her security and turn into the most cuddly, loving little cat I've ever had the great honour and fortune to have in my life. Unfortunately she was diagnosed with chronical kidney failure in 2008. Still, she was an incredible fighter with a will to live like no one else. With the help of nothing more than some specialised feeding she stayed healthy and strong, fighting admirably for five whole years. Then, during the summer of this departing year, she finally lost the fight and with her went a piece of my heart. She is someone I' ll never forget, this little (barely 2,5 kg when healthy) cat that has had such a huge impact on my heart. I will always miss her, feeling as if my family isn't complete without her. But I will also always be grateful for those wonderful six years during which she showed me that love has nothing to do with the size of your body or what the start of your life was like.

And then this year is also the year I lost my beloved, beautiful boy, Gullbarr. I fell in love with this gentle-eyed, mischievous horse at first glance, that sunny late summer day in 2002. That day when I went to Solvalla where he was currently staying to an injured leg. I'll never forget that day for as long as I live. It was very much like what you might read in one of those teen books about a girl and her horse. My infatuation with him has remained just as strong and wondrous during the almost 11 years we got. Together we have experienced a lot of fun things, learnt a lot and just had an amazing time. I have never, and probably never will, meet a horse with a bigger or more fantastic personality in my life. He was, as I usually say, my once in a lifetime love. All the times he has made me laugh with his antics and mischief, even during times I'd wanted nothing more than to cry... And all the times he has just stood there, gently breathing, while I've cried my heart out with my face buried in his soft mane... To me, he was never just a horse, he was a person, a friend and a very important family member. Sadly, during spring of 2013 he got a limp which simply wouldn't go away, despite everything I tried. So we went to the horse clinic, apx. some 25 Swedish miles from our hometown. X-rays showed arthritis and since he was 23 and the arthritis was labeled chronically deforming the veterinary said nothing could be done, that it was best to give him one last summer and then put him to sleep. So, crying and bleeding within, I did as suggested. My boy got four wonderful months on pasture with a great friend and obviously didn't suffer any at all (he even held races with his pal in the pasture). Then, on Oct 4th, a mere month before we would celebrate our 11th anniversary I said good bye to one of the most amazing personalities I've ever had the joy of knowing. There will never be another person like him in my life and, knowing this, I have also taken the decision to making that day, Oct 4th, the day I also said good bye to the life with horses.

From now on I will focus on my remaining cats and my dog, always holding those wonderful beloved ones, who are hopefully having an amazing time waiting for me on the other end of the Rainbow bridge, close to me.

So, with that said, I hope 2014 will become a better year in terms of my heart.

To end this I just want to wish everyone who takes the time to read this far an amazing new year, hopefully with many great friends, both two- and four legged, and many laughs and smiles.

Happy New Year!

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